Victor Morales

Professor Joanne Martin

English 114B

What is Best

            Usually, where ever one goes, one will see a child with their parent/s and there is always the question on which parenting method is best for the child. In most cases children are being raised with a balanced style of both authoritarian and lenience. Some parents choose to be very authoritative with their child while building them up for adulthood. On the other hand, some parents believe that they should be lenient with their child while promoting self-discipline. Children should be raised with a balance of both authoritarian and lenient parents in order to avoid the problems associated with the two extremes.

            For most authoritarian parents there are certain characteristics that are involved with raising a child. The most important thing about being an authoritarian parent is that their word is final. As stated by Amy Chua “Authoritarian parents are the ultimate authority. They have complete control over their children. Children are not allowed to question the parents. Defying parents lead to terrible consequences like the kids being lectured, insulted, shamed or punished.” There are some benefits to being an authoritarian parent such as producing a prodigy in some field of academics. In some Asian countries, they practice this sort of treatment towards their child; such as, Amy Tang in her book Two Kinds. Her mother was a Chinese immigrant who moved to America after losing everything, hoping to be able to spawn a child prodigy. As Amy stated

“Every night after dinner my mother and I would sit at the Formica topped kitchen table. She would present new tests, taking her examples from stories of amazing children that she read in Ripley’s Believe It or Not or Good Housekeeping, Reader’s digest, or any of a dozen other magazines she kept in a pile in our bathroom.”

PISA International standardized testing proves that out of all the nations, the Chinese ranked on top of all three fields of education, described Chua. Being an authoritative parent does have huge advantages in raising a child in education.

            Now it comes to being lenient on a child allowing them to make their own decisions and explore self-interests. The idea supporting this type of parenting is the hope that the child will develop learning what is right and what is wrong, such as to let them choose on what to do. For example, they can choose to go play video games or study for the next exam. This can cause the child to be guided into self-discipline so they build up to be a strong hardworking member of society. There are some prime examples: such as Jeannette Walls, who proved to be successful in her life. Jeannette eventually became a successful writer and her most famous book is The Glass Castle. Her parents didn’t provide much rules or regulation, allowing her and her siblings to fend for themselves. Due to this the walls children are quick thinkers and also know how to support themselves or one another. They were given very few rules such as getting home when the streetlights came on and no showing disrespect for their parents.

However, both types of parenting seem to be too extreme and can cause a serious backlash, but there is a third method to raise your child. Both parenting styles have good benefits to offer, so it is best to combine the two. With combining both parenting styles it makes it easier to avoid those backlashes by supporting one’s child in their decision while also following a semi-strict type of encouragement. For one, get to know one’s child instead of thinking of them as a “slave.” Giving your child an option is great towards managing their own life but also giving them a sense of direction is also great to apply. Knowing when a child is old enough to make their own decisions is important as well.

People in both styles tend to forget that their kids will grow up one day and eventually need to be able to sustain and manage their own lives. In some cases, parents tend to get caught up in their own rules they forget to see what is in the child’s best interest as they are aging. It may seem so great to have a child prodigy but, there can be a serious backlash if one is not tending to the child’s emotional needs. Children with authoritarian parents tend to hate whatever their parents showed them was right, Amy Tang, also begun to hate her mother’s “…tests, the raised hopes and failed expectations.” Most also suffer from psychological problems growing up and in some cases they commit suicide. Also these parents never let the pressure ease with their child and even when they grow up, they stress over every single thing in order to be perfect.  When these problems tend to appear in the child, many parents make a complete one-eighty degree turn, being completely lenient with them. The opposite effect is that they allow the child to be completely free while supporting them in any way which shows them it’s alright to be a slacker and aren’t strong enough to survive in this world. In most cases of lenient parenting, as stated by Amy Chua, “Kids who are not pushed by their parents to work hard tend to grow up to be underachievers or slackers.” So it isn’t best to choose one or the other but to combine these two parenting styles, allowing the child to grow.

Overall, there is a point where both sides of parenting can cause serious harm instead of help. Being too strict can cause serious psychological problems with your child which can often lead to suicide. While being too lenient can raise the child that it is ok to be a slacker and they will not be strong enough to survive in this fast paced world. Furthermore, the parents should balance their styles of parenting and think more of the child instead of their own expectations.

Works Cited

Chua, Amy. "Raise Smart Kid." Raise Smart Kid. Web. 12 Mar. 2012. < http://www.raisesmartkid.com/all-ages/1-articles/47-authoritarian-strict-parenting-vs-permissive-which-is-better >

Tan, Amy. Two Kinds