Victor Morales
Professor Joanne Martin
English 114B
What is Best
Usually, where ever one
goes, one will see a child with their parent/s and there is always the question
on which parenting method is best for the child. In most cases children are
being raised with a balanced style of both authoritarian and lenience. Some
parents choose to be very authoritative with their child while building them up
for adulthood. On the other hand, some parents believe that they should be
lenient with their child while promoting self-discipline. Children should be
raised with a balance of both authoritarian and lenient parents in order to
avoid the problems associated with the two extremes.
For most authoritarian
parents there are certain characteristics that are involved with raising a
child. The most important thing about being an authoritarian parent is that
their word is final. As stated by Amy Chua “Authoritarian parents are the
ultimate authority. They have complete control over their children. Children
are not allowed to question the parents. Defying parents lead to terrible
consequences like the kids being lectured, insulted, shamed or punished.” There
are some benefits to being an authoritarian parent such as producing a prodigy
in some field of academics. In some Asian countries, they practice this sort of
treatment towards their child; such as, Amy Tang in her book Two Kinds. Her mother was a Chinese immigrant
who moved to America after losing everything, hoping to be able to spawn a
child prodigy. As Amy stated
“Every night after dinner my mother and I would
sit at the Formica topped kitchen table. She would present new tests, taking
her examples from stories of amazing children that she read in Ripley’s Believe It or Not or Good Housekeeping, Reader’s digest, or
any of a dozen other magazines she kept in a pile in our bathroom.”
PISA International standardized testing proves that out of all the
nations, the Chinese ranked on top of all three fields of education, described
Chua. Being an authoritative parent does have huge advantages in raising a
child in education.
Now it comes to being
lenient on a child allowing them to make their own decisions and explore
self-interests. The idea supporting this type of parenting is the hope that the
child will develop learning what is right and what is wrong, such as to let
them choose on what to do. For example, they can choose to go play video games
or study for the next exam. This can cause the child to be guided into self-discipline
so they build up to be a strong hardworking member of society. There are some
prime examples: such as Jeannette Walls, who proved to be successful in her
life. Jeannette eventually became a successful writer and her most famous book
is The Glass Castle. Her parents didn’t
provide much rules or regulation, allowing her and her siblings to fend for
themselves. Due to this the walls children are quick thinkers and also know how
to support themselves or one another. They were given very few rules such as
getting home when the streetlights came on and no showing disrespect for their
parents.
However, both types of parenting seem to be too
extreme and can cause a serious backlash, but there is a third method to raise
your child. Both parenting styles have good benefits to offer, so it is best to
combine the two. With combining both parenting styles it makes it easier to
avoid those backlashes by supporting one’s child in their decision while also
following a semi-strict type of encouragement. For one, get to know one’s child
instead of thinking of them as a “slave.” Giving your child an option is great
towards managing their own life but also giving them a sense of direction is
also great to apply. Knowing when a child is old enough to make their own
decisions is important as well.
People in both styles tend to forget that their
kids will grow up one day and eventually need to be able to sustain and manage
their own lives. In some cases, parents tend to get caught up in their own
rules they forget to see what is in the child’s best interest as they are
aging. It may seem so great to have a child prodigy but, there can be a serious
backlash if one is not tending to the child’s emotional needs. Children with
authoritarian parents tend to hate whatever their parents showed them was
right, Amy Tang, also begun to hate her mother’s “…tests, the raised hopes and
failed expectations.” Most also suffer from psychological problems growing up
and in some cases they commit suicide. Also these parents never let the
pressure ease with their child and even when they grow up, they stress over
every single thing in order to be perfect.
When these problems tend to appear in the child, many parents make a
complete one-eighty degree turn, being completely lenient with them. The
opposite effect is that they allow the child to be completely free while supporting
them in any way which shows them it’s alright to be a slacker and aren’t strong
enough to survive in this world. In most cases of lenient parenting, as stated
by Amy Chua, “Kids who are not pushed
by their parents to work hard tend to grow up to be underachievers or slackers.” So it isn’t best to choose one or the other
but to combine these two parenting styles, allowing the child to grow.
Overall, there is a point where both sides of
parenting can cause serious harm instead of help. Being too strict can cause
serious psychological problems with your child which can often lead to suicide.
While being too lenient can raise the child that it is ok to be a slacker and
they will not be strong enough to survive in this fast paced world. Furthermore,
the parents should balance their styles of parenting and think more of the
child instead of their own expectations.
Works Cited
Chua, Amy. "Raise Smart Kid." Raise Smart Kid. Web. 12 Mar.
2012. < http://www.raisesmartkid.com/all-ages/1-articles/47-authoritarian-strict-parenting-vs-permissive-which-is-better
>
Tan, Amy. Two Kinds
